Hindsight 2020❥

2020 and I sat down and had a conversation. We got suuuuper deep and real and raw and messy and yes, it was uncomfortable and daunting and scary at times but oh man did I learn a lot. Here’s an overview:

I’m deeeeep; I over think, I over analyze, I over care, I over love. Feeling things deeply is who I am; it’s how I exist. There is no off switch to my emotions, I can’t just not feel and while that may make me different than most it doesn’t make me flawed although I often can’t help but to think it does.

No doubt I am a lot of a human, I know I am. I am too much for some & that’s okay.

2020 has taught me that I don’t need to water myself down for others and that I should never try to be less of who I am to “fit in” or make others comfortable. It taught me that I do live louder than others but that that’s not a bad thing rather it is what makes me, me.

2020 gave me no other choice but to come to terms with the fact that I cannot put anyone above me on my priority list. It taught me that whether it’s a moment, a day, or a week I need to give myself space when I need it. I need to take time to breathe. 2020 demonstrated to me that I cannot please everyone. It showed me that I cannot “fix” everyone. It showed me that I’m human and like everyone else; I have needs and internal struggles that if not addressed properly will go unhealed and “bleed” causing me immense pain. 2020 taught me that sometimes we have to be uncomfortable or else we will never move.

It taught me that the hard days; the days when we struggle the most are the very days that we need to be extra gentle with ourselves and celebrate our strength and courage.

2020 reminded me that emotions are a guide and that rather than belittle them or get mad at them we should listen to them and hear what they’re trying to tell us. 2020 taught me that I need to want to be the best for me, not for anyone else.

It showed me the power intrinsic in holding a light up to my darkness, and revealed to me that in doing so I’ll get a good description of my shadows as they run.

It reminded me that I must preserve my energy and know when to unplug and rest. It reiterated that kindness is the highest form of intelligence and demonstrated that being strong means knowing when to be soft.

2020 affirmed that there’s strength in knowing when to stop explaining yourself and it reminded me that people can only understand from their level of perception meaning that no matter how loud, well spoken, and articulate you may be when presenting your argument, some people will simply not understand you because they lack the mental capacity to do so. 2020 taught me to stand up for what I believe in and to be loud about the things that are important to me. It reminded the immense power intrinsic in showing up and affirmed that we should always speak our thoughts but never yell them so loudly that we drown out who we are ‘conversing’ with.

2020 showed me that not everything that weighs me down is not mine to carry. It pushed me and challenged me and shook me but in doing so it reminded me that failure is the condiment that gives success it’s flavor & that in order to grow we must be willing to sit through periods of “rain.” It reiterated to me that our true character is determined in our darkest hour. But it also showed me that there is no darkness so powerful that it cannot be overcome by light. It reiterated to me that when we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way.

2020 taught me to be open with people. It taught me to pour myself out and to never ever ever water myself down or hold myself back. It affirmed that;

What we think, we become.

What we feel, we attract.

What we imagine, we create.

It asserted quite persistently that what’s for me won’t lower my vibration.

It assured me that saying; “I’m worn out” “I’ve had enough” or “I need sometime for myself” doesn’t make me selfish, rather It makes me self aware.....It makes me human.

2020 told me that I’m allowed to be caring and still have boundaries. It reiterated that how people treat you says nothing about you and everything about them. And reminded me that those who try to tear your wings don’t know how to fly themselves. It assured me that people are doing one of two things: They’re showing love or they’re crying out for it.

2020 begged me to release everything that no longer feels good for my soul to carry. And made me pinky promise to keep showing my fear the power of my love. It asked me to always choose kindness and love and reminded me that we need to learn to scream louder about the things we love than we do about the things we hate.

It told me to dream so loudly that the universe has to listen and it affirmed that I deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of myself that I think are unlovable or too much. It reminded me to never take anything for granted and promised me to never forget the magic intrinsic in “ordinary” things, the magic of being alive.

And perhaps the most prominent lesson that 2020 brought to my full awareness is this; you must chase those things that speak to your soul. It told me not to save things for a special occasion because every day of my life is a special occasion. It asked me to be present. And taught me to practice appreciating the moment I’ve been given and the people I’ve been given to spend it with. 2020 reminded me that no matter how beautiful or tragic a moment may be, it always ends.. and with that it reminded me to hold a little tighter, smile a little bigger, cry a little harder, laugh a little louder, forgive a little quicker, and love a whole lot deeper.... it showed me that the seemingly insignificant/ trivial moments that fill my days are the very moments that will constitute my life.

& to conclude our conversation 2020 held a mirror up to my soul and showed me that I am made up of depths even the ocean cannot fathom.

And upon doing so it reiterated that the ocean does not apologize for its depth and the mountains do not seek forgiveness for the space they take up and so, neither shall I.

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Yours Trulee <3